revised memoir

Christine Eagan
April 25, 2007
Revised (memoir)


It was a warm sunny day, hot as ever in our town house and my mother was sleeping exhausted from a long days work at the diner. My father was already gone and off to work in this sticky and humid weather. I woke up and got myself ready for school, made my own breakfast, dressed myself, and got my little brother ready for a routine day at school. We exited the house and told our mother goodbye and walked ourselves to the bus stop down the street. When we got to the bus stop you would always see all the other mothers out there with their children, but not mine. I knew she was a hard worker so at that age I never thought anything of it, but I felt like I always had to be my brother’s protector.
Throughout our day at school if my little brother ever had difficulty in school they would always call me over and I would help him out in any way that I could, because he had difficulty learning. This was a burden but I enjoyed doing it to assist my brother when he needed me.
At the end of the school day I would get my brother and we would be off to the bus. On the way home I would just get lost in thinking about how things would be if my mom was around more. We now arrived home and my mom was now getting ready to go to work, blow drying her hair, putting make-up on and ironing her shirt. I always looked at her before she left and thought how beautiful she was to me. So after every time I looked at her I could never get mad because I know she worked to better her family and buy the things that we wanted.
Now I’m 17 in high school and it was a chilly winter night at my senior year chorus concert. This was a special day to me because it was my last concert so everyone that I loved I wanted to be there. This meant a lot to me and my mother promised she would be there. So I get there early full of excitement and I am in the back stage with my friends chatting. Now, it was time to go out and as I walked out I looked for my family, and all I saw was my father and little brother. I was crushed, I felt as if I was in a movie that the parent doesn’t come to the show for their child. This was no movie this was for real, she promised and was not there. In the end of the concert we sang and all the seniors walked out and gave roses to our parents. I handed both of mine to my father and hugged him and just cried.
I went home later that night and just cried in my bed, without saying a word to my mom. My mother was not one to communicate, and sometimes I did not wanted to talk I just wanted her there.
I woke up that morning and entered my mother’s room; I think she was sound asleep. I sat next to her and told her that I was in extreme dismay because she missed something that meant a lot to me and probably there is no way to make it up to me. I left her room and a tear ran down my eye and with one last look at her before I left the door she opened her eyes in remorse, but never spoke of what I said.
At seventeen I faced many obstacles I found out I was pregnant, my boyfriend went away, and I felt as if nobody in the whole world could ever replace the hurt. Until that beautiful and bright sun shining day, my angelic son was born. Although my other angel, my boyfriend could not be there, my mom and dad were. They both stood by my side and supported me to no end. That day I promised myself that no matter what the circumstance I would always be there for my son, through any obstacles I would forever be by his side as his mother and best friend.
I will never forget the day that I though to be perfect, my son’s christening. It was a summer day, weather so warm, but not too hot. The ceremony was incredible, and I felt so proud to be my son’s mother. He looked so cute; you would have thought he was an angel.
So after the christening we went to the hall and met with all our family and friends. Everybody is having a good time and suddenly I realize that my mom just disappeared. So I walk out and she is walking up the street rapidly. So of course I continue to follow her. I’m yelling, “mom”, and still she’s not responding. So finally she stops and gets into a car with another man and kisses him on the lips. I stop in front of the car and look her right in the eyes and told her that this is the last time you hurt me, you lied to me and there was no more room in my heart for forgiveness. I went back to the party as my father was there, and I never spoke of what I saw, because this was my son special day and nothing was going to ruin that. Later that night I sat at my computer and just started typing my feelings and it came out like this:

EmotionsMillions of thoughts race through my mind. Why do I hold it in? I wish I could unwind. Mangled in utter confusion wander...Why do people act so unrefined. If I'm so fortunate...Why is my heart bleeding internally. It drips of anguish, suffering, and anxiety. Tears of sadness fall continuously puddle of sorrow occurs instantly. In time the flow of a river drowns me, and all I wanted was for everyone to be happy.
This poems entails that all the admiration I had for my mom at one point just disappeared! I always just wanted her to tell me the truth, even though it hurts. She is my mom and that is something I could never change. She has not changed but is always there for my son. The truth does hurt so I just hate that I cannot have the relationship I have always wanted with my mother.
After everything I still have trouble telling my mother, I love you. Some things are hard but I try my hardest to try to forget the past and just focus on the future. I want things to get better, and one thing that I can say is she taught me that the relationship I have with my son now will affect him forever.